Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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