Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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