Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
