I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
