I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
