you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
