I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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