So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
