All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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