In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
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Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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