Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
