I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
