My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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