Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i out mim tonsoeep
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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