just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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