Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
