shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
