wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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