The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
