How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
