My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
