I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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