Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
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