Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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