rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
