Don't make out with my wife yet
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
