He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Let the clothes fall where they may.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
