The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
