Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
