I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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