Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
