What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
