one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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