You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
