yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
