This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
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but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
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Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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