Don't make out with my wife yet
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
