you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
my being single is dangerous.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
