so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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