Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
