Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
