Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
