I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
