You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
