seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize