We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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