We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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