dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
