fuck your aforementioned shoe
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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