How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
