12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
