this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
