Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
