Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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