Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
