at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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