I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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