so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
