Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
