I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
