Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
