i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
