took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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