i need an iv and a liver transplant
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
