but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
