not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
