i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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