Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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