At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
