Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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