Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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