it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
