i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
