I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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