I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
