Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
