i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
