The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Randomize
