I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
