what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
