totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
