Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
