Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
